Remember your first....

...your first mile, that is...

I wonder how many people do. I see the landmark to mine all the time.

I have been running (with occasional bouts of just sitting around intending to or planning on or thinking about running) for 13 years. I started when my first son was around 9 months old. I started here at this very same boardwalk that I now run regularly. I drove in my car and mentally marked the distance. This fountain marked one mile.

I would go out in the evening and run. Something deep within me told me I was going to do this. I would take it lamp post by lamp post or bench by bench on that boardwalk. I struggled and walked a lot. Each time I went out, I committed to going just a little bit further. Just one lamp post further than the last time. Then one more. And TWO MONTHS LATER (that is right- it took me two months) I could run all the way to this fountain. A WHOLE MILE. No one told me I could or couldn't. No one dissuaded or encouraged me. Night after night I watched others who seemingly glided on that boardwalk, running with ease that seemed impossible and intangible to me. I remember that first whole mile. How hard it was. How I held back tears when I reached that fountain. How I marveled at my accomplishment. How I experienced that rare feeling of elation and pride. I did it and no one else could take it (or the credit) away from me.

I run by this fountain (from my current starting point it is .65 of one mile)during every out-and-back run on the boardwalk that I do. A few days ago, when I ran 20 miles, it is what fueled the last burst of energy that allowed me to finish that long grueling run. I saw the fountain and the water shimmering in the afternoon sun and I remembered the glory of FINALLY reaching it. I remembered the person I was- at twenty two years old- and that fiery excitement that I felt when I stopped at that fountain after running all the way there for the first time. That girl would've never believed it if someone told her that she would be training for a marathon someday. In this self deprecating society, there's not much room for moments like this. Weary, irritable, exhausted, sweat drenched and sunburned at 19.35 miles, this was my moment. I became my own hero. I was proud, joyful, triumphant.

That first mile made this twenty possible. It proved to me that I could do anything if I gave it my best effort. It made me believe in myself and not need the reassurance and approval of others. It made me realize that most of our limits are self imposed. 15 days until my marathon. There is no "I think" or "I hope" or "I want" to finish. I will.