Try. Think. Want.

I realize that these words don't mean crap when it comes to training and goals for me. Whenever I say "I'm going to try and run today" it really means I'm not committed to running and that there's a high likeliness that it just ain't going to happen. Whenever I say "I'm thinking about running today" or "I'm going to think about signing up for that race" or "I think I'll meet the running club tonight" it means I'm open to any lame excuse to ditch and will likely only commit if the opportunity falls straight into my lap. And the fact that I "want" to run an ultra really means that I'm kicking the idea around in my head. That I'm just considering it.

I am learning that it's kind of the same for others. I am not sure if they realize it yet- and I don't know if I need to be the one to point it out...

If you are merely going to try or think about it or you just kind of want to and you are not keeping a commitment to yourself to put in the work to make it happen, guess what..?

Thinking about it, trying to make it happen, and wanting to make it happen doesn't work.

I've decided not to waste my time (or anyone else's) with what I "think" I might "want" to "try" when it comes to such goals. If I'm not putting the effort in, and if I haven't kept a commitment to reach such goals, I'm full of shit. And I don't mean to be. But it's the truth. I know that reality does limit me in some ways- I "want" to do an Ironman triathlon, but as a self taught cyclist and swimmer, I would need to pay someone for some serious coaching (and pool access, oh and I would need a bike too, huh?) and that's not in my time or money budget right now...

I've proven to myself that I want to finish this marathon. I can tell because ever since the 18 mile training run a few weeks ago, I have not had a single pleasant, easy run. Yet I manage to get out there and keep my commitment and stay on my training schedule even though running is kind of brutal for me right now. I want this marathon more than I want a good excuse to stay home and skip a training run. I'm tapering now (HOOOOORAAAY) and my legs feel like lead weights. I'm sunburned from the 20 mile run without sunscreen. It's hot all the time. I have poison ivy from the trails at that mud race. I keep getting stomach cramps in the final miles of a run. It sucks. But I'm out there. And I make sure those miles are done. Hey, perhaps I should take this level of commitment into other aspects of my life. That novel I'm trying to finish writing, the rooms in my house that I'm thinking about painting, the sewing I want to do...