I don't want my own penis, but.... (Not My Problem #6)

...oh, (ladies, particularly, who are reading) do not act all shocked and appalled by the title of this post.

This is one of those subjects that everyone initially gets weirded out about, but by the end of my rant, I usually get my point across pretty well.

I have had the pleasure of having to use the bathroom on the train. In the subway station. At a mostly closed for the night rest stop. At a not so well kept public park. At a gas station. Oh, and of course I would dare not ever forget the porta johns at races.

My sons do not believe me when I tell them that at the Army Ten Miler in 2005, the porta john I was lucky enough to select after I finished the race was SO FULL that if I failed at "hovering" my butt would've touched a heaping mountain of poop. They pity me because every time I go to a public restroom, I get to decide whether or not the seat is worth sitting on. If both bathrooms are occupied in this house, for me, it is never an option even think about going outside in a discrete area of the back yard.

I have stood in awe (and I will admit, I do have a bit of a staring problem sometimes, my sister says that it's from our cultural background) while watching the sea of men at the start of a race relieving themselves in distant (enough) areas in public while I debated whether or not I could hold it or if a trip to the porta john was worth a late start...

I have meandered about unfamiliar trails with my sons and husband. The ease in which they can select a tree and hide from view to relieve themselves is such a foreign concept to me.

But like I said in the title, I do not want my own penis... I'm perfectly happy with what I have. Really.

However, I will honestly say that I cannot count how many times I have had this fleeting wish cross my mind:

I wish I could pee standing up.

Every female runner must wish this particularly when she's trying not think about how bad she needs to go. All the while she's running past guys who can stop, whip it out, and catch back up to her in seconds. If any female runner denies ever wishing this wish, she must love porta johns. Seriously. There's no reason to embrace the bathroom during a race if you're a woman unless you have some sort of disturbing fetish.

I know this wish has crossed my mind during other scenarios as well:

amusement parks
camping trips
pub crawls (ok, I've never been on any pub crawls, but if I had been, I'm sure this would cross my mind)
concerts


And wouldn't you know it, this wish does not have to be a wish, thanks to the pStyle.

From this angle, my pStyle looks huge!!!

I know I know. This is so unusual,that at first you are kind of freaked out... then when you get past all that, you realize that it's awesome.

The lovely ladies at Jade and Pearl were kind enough to give me one to try and one to give away.

And already, there have been times when I've been out and I wished that I stashed the thing in my purse or the glove box of my car. It works really well. It's doesn't look anything like a pretend penis, in case you are concerned about being accused of penis envy. It's more like a slide for your pee. So if it were to fall out of your purse or get found by a nosy relative, you will experience no humiliation.

As further proof of the fact that I do not want my own penis, I will readily admit that I wish this thing was a little smaller. If it were, I could carry it in a pocket of a fuel belt. Imagine the freedom of urinating at will during a marathon, ladies. I was hoping I could create a custom pocket to tote this thing around in, but I would totally look like a banana smuggler if I tried to stash this thing in a pocket on my shorts, not to mention, if it rubbed against my thigh it might cause chafing... So since I can't tote it, it's living in my gear bag. I have used it before and after training runs. I haven't been in a situation where I needed to use it outside of a porta john, but I'm sure that time will come and I will likely be more grateful than I already am now for the invention of The pStyle.

If you want one, tell me a story about your public bathroom woes. We all have a story, I'm sure. Even if you don't want a pStyle, share your story anyway. (I said that so that people who are too embarrassed to admit they kind of want one will just get over themselves and post a response to this.) Tell me anything- your first porta john line experience, your attempt at being discrete in the woods, or between parked cars... Post anonymously if you need to. I have one pStyle to give away and I'll choose a winner in a week!

You have to admit, this post is fun. Win it just to say you did.

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